hello.
i'll cut to the chase. so here's how the story goes:

once, there was a boy who laid breadcrumbs. he knew that it would attract the creature that lived in the caves... but he did it anyway, for the fun of it. before he knew it, the creature woke up and took hold of him again. his previous efforts of enslaving the creature to sleep are now all in vain.

Mccafe is where i go to when i am thirsty. it is easy access because it is really near my place and the coffee isn't too bad. i have thought of having kopi that uncle sells in the kopitiam nearby my place but i just can't bring my pride to go there. a friend once said that i want coffee but i'm afraid of looking cheap. "you could be right," i replied, "i'm a big hypocrite. i say caffine is bad but i drink coffee anyway." then my friend said another thing that made me think, "what you really want is gloria jean ain't it?" yes friend. gloria jean is always what i wanted but it is far-fetched and it is really too early to tell. the best i can do is to reserve that for the future. or when the time is right... what time, no idea. i'll just wait until i'm not too chicken shit to announce it. for now, i can only drink mccafe and starbucks. not because i really want to, but because i feel i can, because it is attainable and not an abstract blur freefall.

that's quite sad because once i remember my pastor talking about something similar. "God has something great and beautiful installed for us. but we humans are faithless and try taking matters into our hands, and we settle for something less."

pastor, i know what you mean but my faith holds so much insecurity. i believe but i don't believe enough. i know i should but i won't and that is why i can't.

that's why i said i am a hypocrite. i shouldn't have laid the bloody breadcrumbs.
now i'm in deep shit. urgh. so frustrating.